6/2/2023 0 Comments Wife said im away the problem![]() ![]() It has been a big change to navigate that shift and figure out how our new selves work together. That was a big adjustment for us-it often feels like we get less fun time together, and less time together period. Now my husband takes the kiddo to the park so I can run errands alone. In the early days, you take turns sleeping while the other one feeds the baby. When you have a kid you learn to divide and conquer to make sure everything gets done, and to give each other a break. ![]() “Before we had kids we lived life as a team-we had dates, tried new restaurants, and spent the weekend on hikes. As our second daughter’s due date approached, I was really sad to be losing my regained time with Tim again, but this time around I knew that eventually we'd get it back. And then nap times became more structured and we were able to have some alone time on the weekends. The first six months were rough, but once our daughter started sleeping through the night we suddenly had a few hours to hang out. But part of it was just me accepting reality-growing up and not throwing a tantrum because being an adult is hard. Tim was really understanding and, together, we figured out how make sure that I didn't feel like that. Once I came to terms with how I was feeling and was able to express how I was feeling in a productive way, we could talk about it. I resented Tim for being able to do all sorts of things that I couldn't do-like travel and go out with friends without stressing about when our daughter would physically need him. In the months after our first daughter was born I had a lot of moments of resentment that I'd never had before. By the time we could sit down and talk to each other we were so exhausted that neither of us really had the energy for any meaningful conversation. It was like, ‘great, you're home, here's a baby,’ and then I'd run off and try to do something productive before I needed to sit down and nurse again. All of a sudden we weren't ‘Nicole and Tim, husband and wife,’ we were ‘mom and dad.’ Things became very transactional. And that loss of self occurred in our relationship too. My world revolved around someone else's needs and whereas I used to be an intelligent, put-together person, I was now a mom of a newborn, leaking breast milk all over the place and stressing over how many poopy diapers my kid had. The early months were so hard for me because I felt like a shred of my former self. What I mean by that is, once my kids were born, I stopped being Nicole Wilson and started being my daughters’ mom. “I think that the biggest change to our relationship is really the biggest change in our lives period-which is that your life ceases to be about you. We lost who we were as individuals-and a couple-for a little while.
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